I had a break down last year. There. I said it.
I hit rock bottom. I literally broke. If you’ve ever had a panic attack you’ll understand how scared I was.
I’ve been told by some not to share this story with the world, but I’m choosing to do so because it feels right to me – and I’ve learnt that listening to yourself and speaking with complete honesty is a pretty powerful thing.
I understand there’ll be people who’ll judge or label me, but that doesn’t faze me in the slightest. If by speaking my uncomfortable truths I can strip away the stigma and isolation felt by just one woman, then it’s worth it.
We women can be so hard on ourselves, and each other. It took some pretty special friends, one in particular, to remind me of the incredible support, safety, and nurturing energy that only a bunch of women giving themselves permission to have, can create (in fact, I may have just blatantly plagiarised a few of her words there).
I think that’s a huge reason why I love what I do. I get to share many beautiful moments with incredible women. I hear about your pregnancies, births, babies, late night feeding dramas, your highs, your lows, and all the glorious moments in between. You let me in to your private worlds, and for all of this I am incredibly honoured. I feel it’s now time I let you in to mine.
One positive that came from falling in to a deep dark pit of despair, was the climb out. It was life changing.
It afforded me the opportunity to meet an inspiring woman. She let me in to her world, and I discovered her strengths whilst managing to embrace her weaknesses. I learnt to listen and to love her. This woman was me.
Since having my babies and starting Monkey & Mum, I’d slowly forgotten the act of creating just for the joy of it. To be in the moment and listen to myself. With no end goal in mind, the act of creating can be so therapeutic, and a powerful way to tap in to our thoughts and truly live in the moment.
I’ve spent much of the last few months cranking up old albums and singing my lungs out, dancing my feet off, and getting out the paints but ditching the brushes (finger painting!). I’ve played with foods I’ve never heard of before, have written stories no one will ever read, I’ve danced under trees and made art from the world around me.
You don’t have to be a good painter, or even a good cook (I can hear the collective giggles of friends that know me and my culinary skills too well!), you just need to express yourself and make space for you!
If you’re struggling with life right now, talk about it! Help other women break down their walls of dishonesty. Ask for help, connect with people, and most importantly of all, connect with yourself! Make a promise to listen to yourself daily and I promise you will fall in love with the person you get to know. I have.