I have re-surfaced from behind the dark clouds of the last few months, and I’m ready to embrace the glorious fucking sun like the worthy Queen that I am.
Despite my tendency to overshare, I am going to refrain from the intricate details of my personal life out of respect for others. Whilst I would love to spill my emotions all over this beautiful blank canvas and use it as a platform to process my own head, I must maintain the composure and good stature that is expected from a single mum like myself.
Yep, that I will share, I am now single mumming this shit. Wow that took me a while to get my head around saying that. You don’t realise you have any opinions on these things until you suddenly become the thing you thought you had no opinions on.
When I first started saying those words, it was as if I’d failed at life somehow. The biggest commitment I’d ever embarked on – creating life and choosing a partner ‘until death do us part’ – had gone belly up, and now that I was left with this fractured life, heart and family I was not allowed to let the ball drop. Heck everyone else could fall in a heap if they so chose, but not mum, no she was to be the glue that kept life ticking along safely for the children. Particularly don’t let the kids witness your own pained heart, no no! You must maintain composure so that the kids can feel secure and safe.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hide a fractured heart and broken life from your own children?! Of course you do, because even if you haven’t endured the horrible tragedy of breaking up the family home, you’ve tried to hide your frustrations, your arguments, your resentment, or a delicious chocolate bar, and you know how hard it is to hide any of the above! It’s bloody impossible. You try to be present and positive, but the tears flow out. Tears you try to hide by spending two minutes searching for the milk in the fridge, that is until the kids barge their way into your cold box of respite, only to see your tears and lack of composure which subsequenlty hurls you into a pit of guilt and sadness for allowing them to witness such a travesty. One word of advice though – kids are strong! This whole experience has taught my kids more about compassion, love and support than anything else in their short little lives. Their smiles are big, their hearts are kind, and they have this adorable ability to sense when I need a cuddle, when I need them to stop fighting, and when I need help picking up dog poo in the backyard (no word of a lie, I actually caught Archie doing this for me yesterday!).
Anyway the teary stage passed, and just like with motherhood I soon understood that every stage – as shitty and all consuming as it was – was soon replaced by another new and (if lucky!) slightly less shitty stage.
To anyone going through something similar to this, let me share with you this beautiful piece of advice that one friend bestowed on me: you have the right to be, do, and feel anyway that you need to. If you need space, if you need people close by, if you need to be a bitch to the world, or you need to connect with everyone you meet, if you need to feed the kids baked beans every night for a month, if you need to hit up the gym or perhaps binge on fast food, it’s all okay and doesn’t make you a failure. You are allowed to hurt and do what you need to heal. It’s not the time to kill yourself trying to be the world’s best mum.
So where am I now? Now I am mostly happy. I have pushed through the messy, scary, cloudy, gloomy stage that comes with being a newly single mum. Those moments still rear their heads occasionally – particularly if I’ve been drinking wine and decide to play Adele – but mostly I am enjoying rediscovering who Tess is, and carving out my new nook in the world. Good friends have banded around me and formed my tribe, and I have never felt more blessed or grateful to have them in my life.
Whilst I could talk forever about the ups and downs of my life right now – and no doubt I’ll indulge you in these emotions more in the coming months – I will get to the chase. You all want to know when Monkey & Mum is making her come back, and while creativity cannot be rushed, I am honestly feeling like this is something I want to sink my teeth into again. I have a lot to express and process, and I am oh so ready to connect with all you glorious women again.
So with all that said, I will shortly be embarking on some new creations that will mark the return of not only my love of jewellery design, but my re-awakening of feminism and what it means to be me, a woman, a mum, and a glorious strong and goddamn fabulous Queen.
Glad to be back in the presence of so many inspiring women like you.
Love you all! Mwah, Tess x
SALE – Shop Now!
One quick after thought! I have just marked 30% off my Fair Trade Sahasa stock in the lead up to Christmas… which means pieces start from just $11.20! Enjoy!